Wish we had a map

Some "good" news. I did learn today that they will apply the $ to next IVF, but it still sucks to hand all the $ over when we could have had it through the holidays. Now we're on a super tight budget, cause our savings is gone.

We're really hoping that this was truly a fluke. Believe it or not, with all the IF treatments and challenges getting pregnant, I still view myself as very fertile. I ovulate each month, I feel the aches and pain when I do. I've had a child. Its just never crossed my mind, that I would only develop 3 follicles, only 1 mature enough to trigger. NEVER thought I'd end up having to do IVF to get a 2nd child. NEVER thought I would not do IVF because of the number of eggs. It was so hard to get my mind around accepting that we were doing IVF and to get geared up and scheduled, then to be denied. Ugh.

We're dealing with the let down. Robert is being great, but we're both bummed and kinda numb. We don't want to talk to anyone about it, its just crappy, you know. We were so optimistic and excited. We even got Maddy all excited about a baby. Yeah - now we know that this may take longer than we hoped.

BUT I am also hoping this is God's way of telling us to do 1 more IUI and he'll bless us. I dunno - I give up trying to know. Lead God, I will follow. Just wish I had a map.