Thoughts about TTC as a Christian

As far as fertility treatments and "playing god" I have struggled with this and have personally made conclusions I am at peace with.

I personally feel that God has given us the technology and ability to use medicine to help us get pregnant. Infertility is not from God but a consequence of sin. The intelligence we have to overcome infertility is a gift from God. Its how we use it.
Do we use the medicine and technology to get pregnant with 6 babies at a time? Do we use it for testing? Do we terminate pregnancies? I also have come to feel that if I use the medicine or technology to try to get preg, God still has the last word. I can try for 10 years with all the advancements, but I won't get preg. until God's says Yes.

With Madison I was in a frenzy trying to get preg at first. I was in a hurry - everyone I knew was getting pregnant, and I wanted my child to grow up with them close in age. When we got preg it was great timing, and when we had her - the timing fell into place. If I had her 3-6 months sooner, DH would have been without a job. 6 months later he was hospitalized with kidney shut-down. When she was born, we were in a great position to handle a new baby.

Now I feel that pressure a bit -I WANT another baby - NOW or Yesterday! Again, friends are having their 2nd child and I am jealous, but I am listening more to God this time. I feel the self-imposed pressure, I want to keep trying, just one more time I say to God. It took 4 IUIs to get Maddy, so I need to do the same this time right? Kinda like superstition. If I do the HSG, the lap and the same combo of meds, I'll get a BFP.

Coming to terms with the idea that its not as easy or easier to have a baby as I thought, and sitting back and accepting that we have to move on to IVF, has given me a peace. I had to really re-evaluate my thoughts and feelings. I need to see the positives in the delay and spacing out of children. I need to trust God, he did a good job last time, he sees the full plan. I need to give thanks for the extra time I had to get my ankle better, and the time I spent with friends' babies, helping them out. Soon, I feel that God will bless us and then it will a perfect time for a new baby to be in our midst.

Robert and I recently had a serious discussion on the IVF. Lets say we end up with more embryos than we "think" we want for kids. What do we do? It was a serious issue. We talked about their viability and what happens if we let them freeze for 10, 20,30,40 years. We think we'd like 3 kids, maybe 4. Would we keep putting embryos back if they were viable even after we had 3 kids? How many kids would we be willing to have. The answer was for us, we'd have as many as we needed to - NOT to leave any frozen for long-term. Of course we can try to avoid having too many frozen, but for us as a religious factor, we had to talk out our feelings and views before going into IVF. We have peace, and God is in control and He won't give us anything we can't handle.

I also have to learn to ask with each BFN, why not now? what am I suppose to be learning with all this? Patience? Thankfullness? Humility?
I can't hurry time to move forward to Jan for the IVF, I can't hurry God, BUT i CAN use all He has blessed me with to pursue my dream of a child. He speaks so quietly, I have to really listen for him, over my own thoughts and desires. I think if you do FSH to help ovulate, you are doing what you can to overcome a sinful situation and if God doesn't agree with your timing, well, you will know it soon enough. I also have to learn to ask with each BFN, why not now? what am I suppose to be learning with all this? Patience? Thankfulness? Humility? Remember he doesn't always say yes or No, sometimes, its just wait, just a little longer.

Sorry for the novel, just a lot on my mind for TTC.